The blah effect.

Well hot damn. We were doing SO good with dealing with this deployment, or so I thought..

The girls haven't been sleeping that well at all and the "I miss my daddy" has begun. It's really hard to try to maintain a stiff upper lip when i'm trying to explain we have to be strong and every time we go to sleep we get closer to Daddy, when in reality I feel like absolute crap too. I know this is just feelings that should have been felt the day he left creeping in but damn. The rain also didn't help, I hate when I look outside and it's gloomy AND I feel gloomy inside already.

I am recalling the feelings of trying to remain positive and how hard it really is. It's hard to fight back tears when your 4 year old doesn't want to eat because she thinks starving herself will make Daddy come home or when your 1 year old sees his picture and screams "DADDY!!!" at the top of her lungs, I don't want them to forget him by ANY means but I do wish we could all adjust soon, it hasn't even been a week yet and despite my attempts of being positive, I feel like absolute poop.

Must. Get. Out. Of. The. House. Soon!!

Never goodbye.

Well deployment day has officially come and gone. It was a little easier than I thought it would be, but by no means was it "easy". My heart sank when I heard them call out that it was time to load up, I felt a panic come on, the fight or flight type of panic. I wanted to stand there with my chin up, brave, and fearless but at the same time I wanted to grab Daniel and run back to the car, back out and speed off. Fortunately I found a happy medium of them both, honestly the guys made it so easy to be comfortable. They are all truly my heros, they loaded the buses with smiles on their faces and in great spirits. It's SO hard to be sad when you see guys dressed in camis headed to a war zone and danger with smiles on their faces and their spirits high. They are ready.

My heart broke when the buses drove away and I could hear Daniel tapping his wedding band on the window as they went by, I couldn't see him because the lights were off on the bus but I had a feeling it was him (I was right!). After that came the long ride home, well it felt long. Thankfully it was dark outside and very early so it wasn't so awkward since I cried the entire way home. It was hard to pull into the drive way seeing his car parked but knowing he wasn't home, it's little stuff like that I will need to start getting adjusted too.

Surprisingly I think I have done pretty well emotionally. I was worried I would be spending a lot more time crying, but I really haven't. I'm sure my level of exhaustion is kind of distorting my reality a little lol but I actually feel okay right now. Every now and then I will get a little sick feeling in the pit of my stomach but I just try to think of something else really quickly and it goes away. I've also not really had too much time to sit and think about how sad I am and I think that makes the difference. I know that me sitting in my house crying all day isn't going to turn the buses around any sooner so I chose to keep my eye on the prize and my mind off the fears.

My heart is heavy and I miss him so much but the show must go on. The girls and I look forward to wrapping our arms around him when he steps back off that bus :) Thank you all so much for your love, support, and prayers. It was overwhelming yesterday to see how much you guys really care. My phone, facebook, texts, and emails were constant yesterday and that really, REALLY made my day. I love you all!!

Before I go, I wanted to share this picture with you because it's amazing. Like AMAZING, amazing! At 5AM he was standing in the darkness, saluting his brothers as they left, in his dress blues. That is dedication and love at it's finest.



"Saluting the deploying Marines of 1st Battalion 5th Marines 1st Marine Division as they drive over San Mateo Hill, Camp Pendleton, CA. Sangin, Afghanistan watch out!"

Make Peace or DIE.
~Brynna

On the eve of her birthday.

Wow, I can't even believe Myleh will be FOUR tomorrow morning. I remember the day she was born so clearly! It can't be four years already lol? Here are a VERY few of my favorite pictures of Miss Thang.

She was only a few hours old here:


We still aren't really sure how this happened lol.



Her first Halloween :)


First Birthday Party


Second Birthday at Disneyland



Her Super Sweet Third Birthday Party!


Of course these are just a couple that I came across, I literally have THOUSANDS of pictures and these don't even scratch the surface of my faves lol. It has been four amazing years of learning, growing, and laughs. I enjoy my little Myleh so much and the sweet little person that she has become. She is such a genuine little person, and I look forward to watching her grow up. I don't know what I did in life that made me deserve such a wonderful little person to call my daughter, but whatever it is I am so thankful :)

Brynna

Oh March, here you are.

Well here came March anyways now didn't it? My sweet girl is turning 4 and soon we will give daddy his last kiss for 7 long months! I will be happy to see March end and it's only just begun.

I can honestly say that at this point, today.. I feel strangely calm about this deployment. I have come to accept it and I am comfortable at last with who Daniel will be around. I am not sure what happened in 29 palms for 5 weeks but whatever happened I am grateful for, I saw brothers when I saw them all together. I am especially happy with the guys Daniel works with directly on his team, all of them are great guys. I wish there was more time to bond before the deployment but it's life I guess.

Today I realized that I am almost anxious for him to leave so I am not in this weird limbo all the time, because right now I know it's coming soon, I can be smiling but there's a little black rain cloud behind my smile and I am really ready to kick that rain cloud to the curb and get this deployment on a roll. The sooner it starts the sooner it will be over, and I finally for the first time feel ready. I am nervous because I don't want anything to happen to anyone we know, especially my husband but I am ready. I know I have to get through all this to get to the end of his deployment.

I plan to stay busy, travel, and just enjoy life while he is gone. I know the girls and I will miss him so much but dwelling on it isn't going to get us very far. I am praying time will fly and this fall we will be making homecoming signs and getting ready for our favorite marine to come home.

I know I will have my days where crying and wine are going to be a requirement but bring it on if it gets me one day closer.

Brynna