Never goodbye.

Well deployment day has officially come and gone. It was a little easier than I thought it would be, but by no means was it "easy". My heart sank when I heard them call out that it was time to load up, I felt a panic come on, the fight or flight type of panic. I wanted to stand there with my chin up, brave, and fearless but at the same time I wanted to grab Daniel and run back to the car, back out and speed off. Fortunately I found a happy medium of them both, honestly the guys made it so easy to be comfortable. They are all truly my heros, they loaded the buses with smiles on their faces and in great spirits. It's SO hard to be sad when you see guys dressed in camis headed to a war zone and danger with smiles on their faces and their spirits high. They are ready.

My heart broke when the buses drove away and I could hear Daniel tapping his wedding band on the window as they went by, I couldn't see him because the lights were off on the bus but I had a feeling it was him (I was right!). After that came the long ride home, well it felt long. Thankfully it was dark outside and very early so it wasn't so awkward since I cried the entire way home. It was hard to pull into the drive way seeing his car parked but knowing he wasn't home, it's little stuff like that I will need to start getting adjusted too.

Surprisingly I think I have done pretty well emotionally. I was worried I would be spending a lot more time crying, but I really haven't. I'm sure my level of exhaustion is kind of distorting my reality a little lol but I actually feel okay right now. Every now and then I will get a little sick feeling in the pit of my stomach but I just try to think of something else really quickly and it goes away. I've also not really had too much time to sit and think about how sad I am and I think that makes the difference. I know that me sitting in my house crying all day isn't going to turn the buses around any sooner so I chose to keep my eye on the prize and my mind off the fears.

My heart is heavy and I miss him so much but the show must go on. The girls and I look forward to wrapping our arms around him when he steps back off that bus :) Thank you all so much for your love, support, and prayers. It was overwhelming yesterday to see how much you guys really care. My phone, facebook, texts, and emails were constant yesterday and that really, REALLY made my day. I love you all!!

Before I go, I wanted to share this picture with you because it's amazing. Like AMAZING, amazing! At 5AM he was standing in the darkness, saluting his brothers as they left, in his dress blues. That is dedication and love at it's finest.



"Saluting the deploying Marines of 1st Battalion 5th Marines 1st Marine Division as they drive over San Mateo Hill, Camp Pendleton, CA. Sangin, Afghanistan watch out!"

Make Peace or DIE.
~Brynna